Written by: Vijay Krishnan

Have you ever had that moment or that experience where you looked at your phone or the clock on the wall and said out loud, "Oh my gosh, where did the time go?" We have a saying for that, it's called "losing track of time." If you think about it, we have the experience of losing track of time when we are so engrossed in what we are doing.

Either we are focusing really intently on solving a problem or finishing a project or the details of a particular hobby or perhaps we were so enamored with a new love interest on a first, second, or fifth date and minutes turned into hours.

Sometimes it happens when we are so enjoying what we are doing in the moment that we don't think to look at our phone, and the idea of what is going to happen after this has completely slipped our mind.

We call that losing track of time, and generally speaking, it's a good thing. It probably means we were really present in what we were doing.

But I would submit to you that there's an even greater thing to lose; something that would mean far more than just the fact that we were present in a conversation or a task. 

It's not something that's easy to lose track of at all. But when we do, everybody wins: the people we work with, the people we love, and even we ourselves.

I call it losing track of self.

Losing track of self happens when we are so interested in what another person is saying that we're not looking for a way to say something about ourselves, or half listening because we're worried about what we should say next.

Losing track of self happens when we are more concerned with helping the people around us achieve their goals than we are about our own. Which means we're more willing to sacrifice what we have to help them than to sacrifice them to get where we're trying to go.

Losing track of self happens when we have defined our purpose in terms of who we are trying to serve rather than the milestones we are trying to reach or the rewards we are trying to secure for ourselves.

Losing track of self happens when we make it our goal in our marriage to create an environment where our spouse can thrive, rather than engaging in a tug-of-war over whose career or needs should take priority.

This sounds like a beautiful way to live, and it really is. Chances are, the people that have made the most positive impact on your life, whether a parent or a friend or a leader, did so because they lost track of self.

The older, much more widely known term for this is humility.

And as C.S. Lewis, the brilliant author and philosopher, so powerfully described it: "Humility is not thinking less of yourself. Rather, it is thinking of yourself less."

His point is that humility is not about self-deprecation or being a doormat for others. Rather, it's about losing track of self in the process of prioritizing and serving others.

If narcissism (which we can all agree is a bad and destructive, even if a too-often-thrown-around term) is about an obsession with self, then humility is the opposite of that: Losing track of self altogether.

There’s a story that’s been passed around for years about a guest who had the opportunity to dine with two of England’s most prominent political leaders on separate evenings. 

After dinner with William Gladstone, she said she left feeling that he was the most interesting person she had ever met.  But after dinner with Benjamin Disraeli, she left feeling like she was the most interesting person in the world.

The difference?

Disraeli wasn’t trying to impress her; he was being present to her. He wasn’t performing; he was paying attention.

That small shift from ‘being interesting’ to ‘being interested’ is something we all feel, even if we don’t always name it. One looks to draw admiration, the other creates connection.

But the people we remember most deeply are rarely the ones who made us feel wowed. They’re the ones who made us feel seen.

This is the heart of humility.

Because when you show up with curiosity, attention, and presence, you give someone else the gift of being heard. And that may be the one thing they needed most.

Like the guest of Benjamin Disraeli, you know when you’ve spent time with a truly humble person because you left the interaction feeling like a million bucks! They made it about you, not about them. They listened, they asked good questions, they seemed genuinely interested, and perhaps they offered help or encouragement on your behalf.

Humility is a beautiful quality and we admire it in others. It’s what we want in our politicians, business leaders, parents, teachers and influencers. 

And yet, it’s so so hard to do. Losing track of self is neither instinctive nor easily learned. Sadly, it’s rarely modeled for us either. 

So what if, in 2026, we could make a plan to be a loser…to lose track of self just a little bit more than we’re used to. If we could, I think by the end of the year, whether they would say it out loud, the people around us would be glad we did.

The people we work with would likely have felt more noticed, more empowered and more valued.

The loved ones we live with would feel prioritized, honoured and (as a result) very likely more open to us.

The new connections we made - whether potential customers, friends or colleagues - would want to connect again.

Again, that probably sounds great. But HOW do we lose track of self?

My advice? 

Start small with this keystone humility habit: be more curious and ask better/more questions

When you go into a meeting (particularly if it’s a negotiation, a charged situation or complex interaction), ask several good questions of the people involved; questions you don’t know the answer to. 

When you go into a new situation, instead of looking for a way to let people know who you are or seek out who you think can be advantageous for you to connect with, decide to be curious and to see who you can help, encourage or serve. 

Instead of burning another night on the couch watching Netflix with your spouse (that’s not a date, by the way), turn the TV off or go for a walk or a glass of wine somewhere and ask 5 really good questions of each other. For example:

• What’s a dream you’ve had in the back of your mind for a while but haven’t voiced because you think it’s unrealistic or you’re afraid of the response?
• What’s a really good memory from your childhood and why do you think you still remember it?
• If you could have done something completely different for a career than what you’re doing now, what would it be?
• Is there a pattern in our relationship that you’re concerned about?

So here’s to a year of losing. A year where we become more curious (even about those we think we know so well), more genuinely interested in others, and better askers of great questions. Losing track of self could be your biggest win in 2026.

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