These days, “Finding your purpose” seems to be one of the most popular topics on podcasts, best-seller lists and many leadership conversations. The quest is important and there is much wisdom out there to be gleaned on the subject. There is, however, one subtle but very significant nuance that I believe is often missed
in these discussions.
The truth is, it’s not about you.
What do I mean by that? It’s true that working and living with a sense of purpose can provide much energy and meaning in your life; and knowing why you’re doing what you’re doing every day is a vitally important pursuit. But if the search for and identification of purpose is only about me
and my fulfillment, it will prove to be an unworthy and unhelpful quest. Why?
So much of our thinking and behaving is about us. Pride is our core problem, and it’s a two-sided coin. Pride can look like arrogance (“I’m good”), but it can also look like insecurity (“I’m no good”). Both are just different forms of self-obsession. Either you think too much of yourself, or you think too little of yourself; but in both cases, you’re still the main
character.
And here’s the truth: a self-centered, self-driven purpose doesn’t last. It gets heavy. It wears you out. It can even break you AND do damage to others. It can cause you to see the people around you as supporting actors, props or assets to be leveraged or used in the story about you.
So how do you find and pursue a purpose that is truly good for you and others? The answer might
sound mushy, weak or irrelevant; trust me, it isn’t. It’s gritty, weighty and powerful. It’s Love.
Love Is Not a Feeling. It’s a Direction.
The opposite of love is not hate…it’s pride. If pride is a relentless focus on self (whether in arrogance or insecurity), love is a relentless focus on others.
In that sense, love is not a
feeling; it’s a choice. It’s a direction you point your life toward.
Love is about living in a way that benefits others.
I remember attending a conference where I was going to be around many people I didn’t know, many others who I had admired from a distance, speakers that I held in high regard. As I flew into the host city, I noticed some anxiety/anticipation growing
about who I might meet, how I might get to talk to certain people, how I would stack up vs. the other leaders who would be present. Mercifully, a little thought entered my mind at that moment which rescued me from this understandable but unhelpful inner dialogue: Forget who I’m here to impress, compare myself to or learn from. Who, instead, am I here to serve? What if I just try to be a help to whoever I meet?
That shift changed
everything. It freed me to enjoy whatever happened during those three days. It led me to some profound conversations and an unexpected friendship that has continued on to this day.
As the great author and thinker C.S. Lewis once said: Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself. It’s just thinking of yourself less.
Your life as a tree
A metaphor can be helpful here. And the ancient philosophers and biblical writers have one for us: your life is like a tree.
The Roots = Identity
Your roots are mostly unseen. They’re things like your beliefs, your values, your story—shaped primarily by your upbringing, where you come from, your family background and what fuels you. What’s under the surface shapes your identity far more
than what’s seen above the surface…for better or for worse. Developing a healthy and stable identity involves the hard work of self-care, emotional maturity and honest self-assessment. A healthy foundation is our first priority, but it’s just the beginning.
The Trunk = Growth
The trunk is how your life grows. You learn, you build, you stretch. It’s steady and slow. It also means growing branches to extend our reach. This reminds
us that growth isn’t always linear and that healthy enduring growth is never fast.
The Fruit = Service
The true measure of the health of tree, however, is not the roots or the trunk, but the fruit. The point of the growth is really about what the tree can give to the world. In a similar way, the reason we work to build a stable identity and pursue growth in our lives is so that we can be of use, in service, to others. Just
as a tree gives oxygen, shade, and sweet fruit, so your life is about the value you can give to others. The question then becomes: What fruit is your life producing? Who is benefiting from your work, your words and your choices?
Growth vs. Health: What’s the Difference?
In our world, people often chase growth—more money, more status, more followers.
But growth without health can be dangerous.
Think of weeds. Or worse, cancer. That’s growth too—but it is unhealthy growth that harms.
Healthy growth is slower. It’s rooted. It’s life-giving. It leads to peace, not burnout.
We believe in focusing on health first—because you cannot give what you first do not
have. If the roots are good, the growth will come. And it is not growth for growth’s sake, but for the sake of others. Who is benefiting from my growth, my achievements, my success?
Shift from “What” and “How” to “Who” and “Why”
When we first start out in life and career, we think about our purpose in terms of the “What” and the “How”:
What am I going to
study?
What am I going to do?
What will make me the most money?
What will my title or role be?
How will I get there?
How to 10x my company?
But maturity, wisdom and humility lead us to think about our purpose in terms of “Who”:
Who am I doing this for?
Who am I called to serve?
Who is a group of people who are undervalued or in
need?
Who needs the strength, wealth, creativity and experience I’ve accumulated?
That’s where your true purpose comes alive. Because when your why is about others, your work can move from being transactional to being transformational –both for you and for the people around you.
You Don’t Have to Control Everything—Just Care Deeply
Parents, leaders, mentors—we all want the people we love to grow well. But here’s something I’ve learned: You can’t control growth. You can only create the right environment for it to happen.
Like a gardener who cares for the soil, you can care for and cultivate the environment in your home, your team and your community. You can give encouragement,
empathy, space, and share wisdom. As we do this, we can trust that, like a tree, healthy people will grow in time.
Are You Ready to Live a Life That Gives Back?
Ultimately, the true measure of a life well-lived is not found in what we accumulate or achieve, but in the deeper why that drives us and the who that benefit from our contribution. Lasting
purpose isn’t about drawing attention to ourselves—it’s about becoming a source of light for others. Significance doesn’t need to be chased; it emerges naturally when our lives are rooted in love, shaped by steady character, and marked by fruit that brings life and value to those around us.
So here are three questions to consider as you reflect on your own journey:
Is my current definition of success focused more on what I can get,
or who I can serve?
What “fruit” is my life producing right now—and who is truly benefiting from it?
If I shifted my focus from proving myself to serving others, what might change in how I work, lead, and live?
The pursuit of purpose becomes most rewarding when it’s not just about finding yourself, but about giving yourself.
If you’re ready to move
from striving to thriving—and from self-focus to purpose-driven living—visit www.fullspectrumlife.com to explore our Guided Mastermind. It’s not for everyone, but it is for accomplished business leaders who are ready to go beyond success and step into a life of true significance.
P.S. When you are ready there are three ways you can access more of our teachings:
Visit our website for blogs, quick videos and key teachings. Click Here to access.
Read the book Start Up Santa and discover non-obvious business lessons revealed by timeless toys. You can get it HERE🇨🇦 or HERE🇺🇸.
If you are curious about what it means to live your life to the full, then we invite you to apply for the Full Spectrum Mastermind. This is a curated experience for accomplished leaders ready to move from striving to understand how to truly thrive in life. Register now to be considered - this isn’t for everyone, and that’s by design.
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